Ballerina Princess...

Skylar and her *hair* (aka pajamas)... she has just entered this phase where she LOVES to play dress up!

One hair ribbon just isn't enough --- we must have them ALL in our hair!!! The cutest Ballerina Princess EVER!



Hanging out with her BIG brothers... Peyton & Hunter!

The creme de la creme...

My children on VIDEO!!!

And ummm don't ya just hate hearing your own voice?

I do!!!

Ack, do I sound that nasally and annoying?

No wonder the kids ignore me... *heh*!

Day 73...

Once again something from my Weight Watcher Blog...
I am 93.7% sure I am going to merge the two.
We shall see... but here is my post from WW -- for all the world to see!
*w00t w00t*

Day 73:

I took a much needed day off yesterday.
Meaning, I didn't obsess over WW...
And guess what?
I didn't binge,...
I stayed well within my points...
I just went with the flow...
And life carried on normally.

I am working on being aware and not so obsessed.
Making my intent known to purposely work on that actually!

I am finding out that making your intent known is actually working out WAY better than I ever imagined! Who knew that if you are perfectly clear with what you want that you get exactly what you asked for?
Brilliant concept, huh?
*smirk*

I specifically asked Brian for forty-five minutes for myself to work out today and he responded with "of course".
See how easy that was!
And all this time I have been stressing over how I was going to manage my time and all I had to do was ask!

And you know what else?
There is absolutely NO shame in asking for help.
You aren't weak... you are human and NO ONE can do this alone.
NO ONE!

In Non-WW-Related-News:

~~Goddess Group tomorrow night -- YES! I will be there!
~~I began constructing my Book of Shadows yesterday -- and it's more fabulous than I imagined and I am so proud of it.
~~I am contemplating using my blogger.com account permantly and ditching this blog (I would leave a link to the other blog of course)-- trying to keep on top of two sites is just too much but I like the other site (for blogging) better -- would any of you be willing to link to another site in order to read my babble?

And in one final sad note...
Our dog Buddy died Saturday night. (See previous post... )
He was about twelve (we adopted him in 2003 from a local animal shelter and our vet guesstimated he was about five then.) and in poor shape. Almost entirely blind and deaf and having issues walking. Honestly -- watching him go downhill so fast (literally in a matter of a week) was hard. And there is no real reason, it was just his time. So his passing in a way was a blessing because his quality of life had so diminished.
But he will be missed.
RIP Buddy.

Blessed Be...
♥Cyn♥

RIP Buddy

RIP Buddington *Buddy* Cianci Knight
November 1998- October 9, 2010
Our dog...
Our good boy.
We will miss you!

Intentions...

I blog on the Weight Watcher site as well...
Yeah, two blogs, who the heck has the time?
Hence why there is so little written word on this one.
But not like anyone is reading. As of this post, still no followers?
I contemplate merging... I wonder if any the readers from WW would read here instead???
Hmmmm....?
But I digress...


Anywho, I wrote this today and it is one of the most introspective things I have written on that particular blog, so I felt it deserved a spot here as well.
So here it is...


Day 71:

I am relatively new to Paganism.
Well, new to giving my beliefs a *title* that is...

Technicalities aside, what I am trying to say is that I am Pagan and proud to be on its path!

With that being said, one of the first things I learned in regards to practical magick is proclaiming your intent. You can never assume that the Powers That Be (which ever God, Goddess, deity or power of the universe you pray to) know what you hope to achieve or want. Hence why being distinctly clear on what you are trying to obtain by performing certain spells, practices, rituals, whatever the case may be, need to be made known beforehand.

Just last night while attending my Herbal Magick and Healing class (AWESOME I might add!) I heard a story of a woman who inadvertedly *banished her money* in the midst of performing a prosperity spell. She ultimately remedied her mistake, but had she been clear of her intent... it would have never happened.

All of this talk of intent got me to thinking...
Whether you are Pagan or not... no one can doubt the power of intentions. We all have them; especially those of us on this journey. But are your intentions clear? Have you taken the time to really declare what it is that you want from all of this? Obviously we all are here to lose weight... that is a given. But is to say "I want to lose weight." distinct enough? I cannot help but intertwine my Pagan beliefs into every aspect of my life and in doing so, I am beginning to think that I have not made my intentions known!

So...
Let me be clear...
Here is my distinct intent in regards to my WW Journey:

~ I want to lose weight: specifically a total of 82 lbs. (I was 232lbs. months before actually starting WW) to reach my goal weight of 150 which I will maintain by staying OP, exercising regularly, and continuing to attend my weekly meetings!
~ I want to gain health: specifically to be the healthiest parent I can be in order to watch ALL of my children grow up and live their lives and to look and feel younger than my actual age!
~ I want to run: specifically the Rock 'n Roll half-marathon that will be held in Providence, Rhode Island on August 7, 2011.
~ I want to look my absolute best on my wedding day: specifically at my goal weight and in a beautiful dress that perfectly reflects my sense of style and my GORGEOUS purple shoes that I adore so very much. And when I walk down the aisle to the man I love, I want to take his breath away.

Those are my intentions...
And they are now known.

Blessed Be...
♥Cyn♥

Our actions are the results of our intentions and our intelligence.
E. Stanley Jones

Punkin' Jammies...

Every little girl needs punkin' jammies... and our Skylar is no exception!
Too dang cute for words...

Frustration...

So I am sorta frustrated...
At myself...
At the process.
Yeah, I trust the process but that doesn't mean I can't get frustrated at it... or myself even.

Weight Watchers works. I know this to be 100% true. I have had success before and am having success now. I guess there are some days I just wanna be...
Not be CONSUMED...
And I am consumed...

Points...
Measurements...
Exercise...
Weigh-in's...
Meetings...
E-tools...
Blogs...
BAH!

I know I have to do all of this to succeed and succeeding is VERY important to me. So of course I will do what needs to be done. But there are times I just need to be somewhere else other than in Weight Watcher Land.
Today is one of those days.
And that very well could be because I am sorta dreading tomorrow's weigh-in.
Why?
Not really sure? Bad vibe?
I have been OP (on plan for all you non-WW folk).
I have gotten some exercise in, which is better than none.
But something tells me tomorrow at this time I won't be happy?
And I could just be paranoid and be stressing out for nothing.
But that is part of the process.
You KNOW the weeks that were better than others and vice versa.

This to shall pass...
Because no matter how intense the frustration may be... I WILL NOT GIVE UP!
I will lose this weight...
I will run...
I will be healthy...
I will be beautiful on my wedding day and every day thereafter...
I will live a long and healthy life...
I will watch ALL of my children grow into healthy and happy adults...
And I will be forever thankful for this gift I am giving myself and for not giving up!

Blessed Be...

Dusk...

I took these on my evening jog...
I don't normally take my camera on runs...
But something told me to tonight.
So very glad I did...

Pure Chaos

It has been the craziest of weeks.

Pure chaos.

Peyton's birthday (okay that was nice actually)...

A demanding little girl by the name of Skylar who I willingly let occupy so much of my time...

Two demanding teenagers with a lot of schoolwork and projects...

A demanding grown man with a crazy work schedule (gotta love retail this time of year)...

Goddess Group...

A dentist appointment in which I found out I have two itsy-bitsy cavities, not one...

Weight Watcher meeting and weigh-in (I lost .8 lbs this week... a total of almost 19 lbs -- *w00t w00t*)...

Trying to squeeze in my much needed exercise...

Attempting to maintain friendships, quite poorly I might add...

And the basic day-to-day grind.

I realize I am one of a billion plus people who do all this same sort of stuff and more. This is the world we live in. It is the *norm* to have too much stuff to do and spreading yourself thin.

And I have had a few minor meltdowns this week.

Moments where I felt stretched almost invisible and completely unappreciated for all I do.

And yeah... Brian and I had words.

Heated words I might add.

But all is well and we have once again agreed that we need to not let everything around us affect *us*.

Easier said than done of course, but he and I do try so very hard to keep one another happy and not let the insanity that IS our life interfere too much.

And in the course of it all I have been having serious reservations about our wedding.

NO!

Not those types of reservations.

I love Brian and cannot wait to be Mrs. Bertenshaw!

I am having serious reservations about the whole hooplah of a wedding and a reception. Guilt over the frivalous expense of such an affair perhaps? We are in the process of trying to build our savings, move out, and get out of this horrible rut the recession put us into!

I just feel like no matter how *casual* we plan on keeping it... it will slowly creep out of hand.

Our small wedding has grown to about 75 people and I still feel like we are leaving people out?!?!

How did this happen?

And all I can think about is the movie Sex & the City where Carrie is left at the altar because she has allowed her wedding to become this entity; the one thing she promised Big it would never be. The same promise Brian and I have made to one another.

And just the other night he said to me...

"I need to know it's just for us... and about you and me."

Ack!

Is that not pretty much what Big says to Carrie?!?!?!

I have these horrid visions of it all turning into a fiasco, the one thing Brian and I swore we would never let happen. We vowed that we would get married in overalls and flip-flops before EVER letting that happen...

And I am wondering if just getting married isn't what we should do. All I really care about is becoming married and having my children present.

Okay I lied...

I want to look hot, get married, have my children (and my Mom) present, eat some food, drink some wine, and have some honeymoon *time*.

That is all I care about!

But I am torn...

While I completely lack that bride gene that every other woman seems to have, I do have a modest wedding fantasy in mind...

What to do?

What to do?

WHAT TO DO?!?!?!

Obviously Brian and I have some serious thinking to do!

But not tonight.

Tonight I want to eat popcorn, watch my daughter snooze, revel in the peace (boys are at a sleepover), watch a crappy remake of Psycho (Anne Heche in the Janet Leigh role... are you serious?!?!), and wait for Brian to get home from work.

After all...

I believe from chaos comes true beauty.

Blessed Be...

♥Cyn♥

One Cute Kitten...

A beautiful fall day...
Skylar welcomes October and the Halloween season by wearing her brandy-new Black Kitty Cat Halloween Outfit!!
One cute kitten!!!

Peyton's 14th BIRTHDAY BASH!!!