Thursday, August 25, 2011

HoLLa: Update on Life


I have been attempting to write something since about Monday – obviously failing miserably as I have yet to post – but today I am determined to FINALLY get something on my blog!

So what’s new blogdom?

Well…
Hunter got home safe and sound from his travels yesterday evening. He had a great time but has decided that *country living* is not for him and he has a new-found respect for living in Rhode Island where everything is SO close.
Indeed!

Can you believe the kids go back to school on Tuesday?

In other news…

I quit my job.

I was offered the choice to transfer to another studio and intially I thought that would work, but the more I digested the whole situation, the more I decided that I needed to completely break ties.
Ultimately it came down to doing what was best for myself.

And yes, there is SO much more I could say about the situation, but I choose to let it lay where it lies and move on.

Now I am basically putting my resume out there and focusing on the belief that all of this happened for a reason and I am meant to be somewhere else doing something else.

I LOVE photography and it IS a true passion of mine –- but retail photography is a whole other animal and I would think long and hard before returning to it.
I wish I had the spare funds to just buy the equipment I need and finally get my own biz underway…
Someday I WILL be living that dream!

And yeah the potential financial crunch of up and quitting my job is a wee bit scary.
Just when Brian finally gets his promotion and things are looking up I have job issues. Sometimes it feels like we will never get a break? But I keep telling myself that all of this is for a reason…
Not sure just yet what the reason is, but I insist on having a positive attitude and hope!

Moving along…

So I haven’t written about my diet and/or exercise in eons and well, basically that is because it has taken a backseat to everything else going on in my life.

I put my focus on getting myself better and getting a hold of the depression – so my weight loss journey needed to be put on a short hiatus.
I have to get better from the inside out after all…

But as of Monday I am back on track and happy to say that even despite completely throwing diet caution to the wind for a month or better I only regained about 1.5 lbs. – shocking I know!

I am sad to say that I completely fell of the vegan and even the vegetarian wagon…
I made it four months without one bite of meat and just caved for a hamburger on the grill and went downhill from there…
Not very proud of my lack of self-control but I am proud that I intially vowed to go vegetarian for 30 days and far surpassed that goal. I am not a total carnivore again – but I have partaken and certainly cannot call myself a vegetarian.
Maybe in time I will go back to eating vegetarian? But vegan was just too restricted and not right for me.

Right now my goals are –
• Eat healthy -- less processed garbage and more whole/clean foods.
• Exercise – gym, walking, and finally CONQUERING The 30 Day Shred.


Also NO OBSESSING over dieting, food, weight, the scale and all of that stuff because obsessing over it does the polar opposite of what I am trying to achieve.
And in all honesty -- I am friggen sick of feeling bad about myself and inadequate because I am not at a certain weight.
That is just utter crappola.

Until recently I have NEVER felt overly inadequate in ANY aspect of my life – matter of fact I felt QUITE adequate and screw anyone who thought otherwise.
And that is the attitude I am slowly regaining.

Maybe it’s the new meds?
They have given me this intense sense of clarity and so much of what bothered me before is slowly being weeded out of my life.
I feel like old kickass, take no crap, rockin it no matter what ME again.
And it feels good to be that gal again because she wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought she was.

And that dear blog-o-sphere is all that is fit to be told!
Well other than this...

*snicker*
cyn

7 comments:

  1. Wow Cyn! I have to say - you are just what I needed today! I sympathize, empathize and totally get what you are saying. Screw those who can't appreciate me for who/what/how I am!

    I have fallen off the WW wagon - to the tune of 15# up since Memorial Day! Just getting back on track this week myself. I know where I've gone astray and will do what I can to lose the weight that I've put back on.

    All the best on the work situation.
    xoxo
    Kim

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  2. Things might not be perfect, but it sounds like you have a great perspective on it all.

    I have 2 drafts that I started and haven't finished yet. They've been sitting there for 2 weeks... I'll get to them eventually. That reminds me... I should post an update before I leave on my epic vacation!

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  3. Glad to hear you're doing okay lady.

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  4. "Thou shall not take shit" is now my motto for life :) I'm glad you quit your job, it definitely seemed like it was just a stressful place and I'm a firm believer in our careers should be where we *want* to be, not *have* to be. So KUDOS and congrats! I'm sure you'll find something amazing and perfect soon because your new attitude is beautiful!
    Oh...and was the hamburger amazing or what?! XOXOXO

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  5. I think instinct kicks in when I'm eating a banana, no eye contact for real.

    good luck w/ the job hunt

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  6. kim -- ahhh so you totally feel my pain. sucks that it goes back on WAY easier (and more fun i might add) than it came off. oh well, time to dust off and get our asses back on the wagon. we can do it! xxoo sweets!
    marie -- yes updates before the epic vacay is a MUST!
    rachel -- thanks doll!
    katherine -- my new motto too -- dontcha love it? and yes, the burger was almost better than really good sex... lol!
    todd -- that was addressed to everyone BUT you of course... lol!

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  7. I love to read what you are saying. I think everyone goes through this. Everyone has their degress on the crap they need to get through before you see who you are.

    I get you on so many levels.
    Keep kicking ass
    taking no shit

    Abbie xoxo

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