HoLLa: Update on Life vol. 7

just sharing some photos from the week…
we have had the strangest weather here in new england…
snow one week, 70 degree weather the next, and always a rain shower in between…








i also finished jillian michaels 30 day shred on tuesday. i did it for 30 days consequetively with no days off & upped my level every 10 days. it was indeed a challenge but has really changed my entire outlook on my weight loss journey.
i only lost about 4.4 lbs in the 30 days but i lost 13.5 inches all over so i am highly impressed with that!
i started ripped in 30 on wednesday & am fully committed to daily movement/exercise.

i saw the new therapist – liked her a lot & she encouraged me to give the other gal a shot.
okay okay…
she thinks i am on the right meds & that i am not bi-polar (coulda told ya that) & that i probably had post-partum after skylar that escalated into a full blow depression for two+ long torturous years.
obviously i have had bouts of depression – or funks as i always called them – but nothing like this past one. i just couldn’t dig myself out; hence why i sought help.
so i am staying on the same meds & i will flip-flop between the two therapists every other week. i am willing to see how it works out & am still keeping an open mind.

i feel better both mentally & physically than i have since my early 30s & that makes me a wee bit sad to admit – but it’s true.
if i have learned one thing from this it is this – do not doubt yourself; if you don’t feel *right* get help. once you dig yourself out & things become so clear you will realize that you were right all along & wasted too much time trying to tell yourself that you will feel better tomorrow.
depression sucks but it can be helped!

and there ya have it dear bloggy peeps!
♥cyn♥

wanna know more about my weight loss journey, weight watchers, 30 day shred, and/or my quest to complete jillian michaels ripped in 30?
check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

HoLLa: Update on Life vol.9

happy saturday all!

can i tell you how freakin’ glad i am that this past week is over?
seriously – i am so obviously not ready for the hustle & bustle of the *holiday season* because one week of two b-day parties, a dinner party, halloween, & pms nearly took me out.
sigh

but it’s a new week & i woke up with the ability to breathe outta both nostrils (praise be!) – so life is def lookin’ up!

so what’s new?
well i think i covered the major happenings with my bajillion of photos i posted throughout the week. although i did spare ya’ll on dumb supper photos – which was great!
(me on the way – testing out camera settings on myself – heh)
and to fill ya in – dumb supper is a dinner eaten in silence where you reverse the courses (dessert first, main course, then salad) in honor of your ancestors & those who have passed. it is held in the evening of the day of the dead (or all saints day – depending on your beliefs) when the veil between the living & the dead is at its thinnest.
(a fun spooky photo of us @ dinner – see the plates full of food – those are our offerings of food for our ancestors & those who have passed – you take a little bit from your plate for each course for the ancestor plate.)
we also had a séance after dinner which is always fun – if you’re into that sort of thing – which i so am!
we had some interesting voices come through via the ghost box & i got some amazing orb photos.

moving along…
i am still kickin’ it on the jillian michaels 30 day shred – can ya believe that today is day 27 & this coming tuesday i will be done (with this part at least) ??? it blows my mind how fast this all went – and fyi – this workout kicks ass & truly works!
(yup – me showing off my mini-muscle! may not look like much but it is more muscle than this chick has ever had & i am pretty stinkin’ proud of the definition!)

i didn’t lose this week on w8 watchers – but i didn’t gain either – so i consider that super success after the food-a-palooza that happened last week. seriously, i think i ate non-stop from saturday – wednesday!
tsk! tsk!

i have my prescrition evaluation on tuesday – yay (insert extreme sarcasm). i am tryin not to be a debbie downer about it all but it still pisses me right the fuck off. but maybe this experience will be different than the last? who knows? hence why i am tryin to be positive…

well folks… that’s all I got!
happy saturday & lotsa bloggy love! so happy to see some of my faves back to bloggin!!!

♥cyn♥

wanna know more about my weight loss journey, weight watchers, and/or my quest to complete jillian michaels 30 day shred?
check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

HoLLa: Update on Life vol.8

once again i have let time lapse since writing... oops!
just too much on my plate & it seems like everyone in my house has passed around a pretty nasty flu bug to boot back & forth. today is the first day in a week that i feel semi-human.

so this past thursday i saw the new therapist & while i am trying really hard to keep an open mind about it all; it really amazes me that someone who has met me once -- for a little over an hour & basically got a quick synopsis of my 41 years (and i have lived a lot in my 41 years) -- can give me a *diagnosis*?
and a *diagnosis* that i am not sure i entirely agree with.
she has labeled me as having a *mood disorder* which is one miniscule step above bi-polar disorder.
ummm...
yeah i have my moments & in my past i have done so effed up stuff that could very easily be deemed as self-destructive but... i don't think my condition (whatever that may be) is as severe as she seems to think. nothing against anyone who is bi-polar as i am sure it is very misunderstood like all mental/emotional disorders are… but what the phuck?

but she has referred me to someone else to have a medicine evalutation to make sure i am on the right meds because she seems to think i am totally on the wrong meds & wants a second opinion.
sigh...
this is exactly where i don't wanna be.
flip-floppin between *professionals* who cannot decide what *disorder* i have & who wanna play medicine guinea pig with me.
nope not happenin!
but i will semi-play along. i will go to the referral and see what she has to say but i am not playing russian roulette with a bevy of meds that will do gawd knows what to me?
frig that noise!

and what irks me is that i thought i was on the right path with the wellbutrin? i thought this was a therapy session? not a mental evaluation!
have i mentioned how much i really distrust people in the mental health field before?!?!?!
grrrr… so irritating! but let’s move on!

weight watchers is goin great…
30 day shred is going amazing…
i am down 12.4 lbs total & feeling pretty damn good about that! i wanted to lose about 6 lbs a month & so far i am ahead of the game so that is a very good thing.
bri is great.
kids are great.
all is well… minus the snow we had over the weekend.
already? really?
ick! but there was a cool bday party to attend!
and i did run into two of my friends i havent seen in eons over the weekend – so all really is well! (the three redhead amigas ride again!)

and halloween cookies & dress-up always make life better as well!


and all the other random stuff in between...


because i most certainly cannot complain & despite what one random *therapist* says – i am very content with life & the path it is currently leading my on!

happy halloween peeps!
(you know i will be posting a buttload of photos from today at some point this week -- consider yourselves warned!)
♥cyn♥

wanna know more about my weight loss journey, weight watchers, and/or my quest to complete jillian michaels 30 day shred?
check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

which reminds me – go enter my first evah chunky goddess giveaway so you can win TWO jillian michaels shred dvds! because who doesn’t like free shit?!?!
and even if you have already entered – you can tweet the giveaway daily for additional entries!

HoLLa: Update on Life vol.7

I know I have totally been ignoring this blog – I sucketh, what can I say?

In my defense – I have had a lot of my plate lately.
• Defiant teenagers who are trying to either drive me to the brink of insanity or make me an alcoholic.
• An over-active precocious two year old who needs constant stimulation.
• Never-ending tedious stuff – laundry, dishes, grocery shopping.
• Trying to keep myself on track with Weight Watchers & working out – which is a HUGE priority for me.
• Making Brian & Cyn time – because he needs me as much as anyone else in my house. And I need him too of course!
• My social life which is coming back from the dead – funny how feeling good about yourself again can make you want to get back into the world.
• My spiritual side which I left dormant @ the wayside months ago – I have missed my candles, meditations, & spellwork. It grounds me & I need grounding!

I know there are others out in the world who probably have ten times the amount of things on their plates – but keep in mind that my plate has been so cracked & half-broken for so long with me being in the depths of depression & I am just now getting back to mending the plate & being able to juggle more than a few things without completely melting down!
So yay for that much at least.
Chaos is actually progress for me!!!

Speaking of progress – I see my new therapist next week.
I am trying to be positive – but ack! I haven’t had the best luck with therapy in the past.
Once had a therapist try to *save* me by telling me I needed Jesus in my life.
True effin’ story.
Can you believe that shit? If I wasn’t 20-something (oh yeah I have been messed up for a long time… heh) I probably would have reported her -- to where or whom – who knows?
Did I mention that I am trying to stay positive?

Okay let’s jump to another topic – because I am so obviously all over the place today.
Skylar has her library reading/play group every Wednesday & it is the one thing she looks forward to. And it is such a cute program – the librarian is wonderful & they do the cutest craft project at the end of story time.
Well this year there is a new kid in the group & normally I never refer to kiddos (other than my own of course – heh) to *spawn of satan* but if this child was a robot her (yes, it’s a little girl) name would be DESTRUCTOR!
And really it isn’t her fault – it is her dumbass mother’s who sits there while she tears up the play area, library, and reading room and says NOTHING. It is her who sits there while she literally lays on other children & terrorizes the two mothers who come with infants in tow and says NOTHING. It is her who sits there while the librarian asks the little demon girl to sit down over and over because she is disrupting the reading time & tears things right out of the librarian’s hands and says NOTHING.
Seriously I keep hoping Mute Mom & DESTRUCTOR won’t show – but sure as shit they are ALWAYS there.
And what do you do in this situation? Are you THAT parent who complains & puts the librarian in the position to have to *talk* to Mute Mom?
Parents who let their children be little buttheads just piss me off.
And it isn’t fair to the kids like my daughter who really want to enjoy the experience & interact.
Mute Mom sucks!

Moving along…
We are just NOW finally getting some fall weather.
Goddess Group ghost hunt happened last night but I had to miss it – car/ride issues.
So bummed.
I will get in on another ghost hunt because apparently they had sucha great time that they are planning another.

I have been doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred – on day 10 – and it is an ass-kicking killer workout. I highly recommend it!

Well to end this crazy post on a high note…
Skylar is NUTSO about La La Loopsy.
(Doncha l♥ve her shit – got it @ Kmart for $7!)

La La Loopsy was #1 on her Xmas list to Santa last year – and this year it is the La La Loopsy treehouse & bus.
Never enough La La Loopsy in Skylar’s world…

There ya have it – sorry this is sucha schiztoid post!

Happy HuMp DaY!
♥cyn♥

wanna know more about my weight loss journey, weight watchers, and/or my quest to complete jillian michaels 30 day shred?
check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

HoLLa: Update on Life vol. 6

Hello Bloggy-wood!

Okay yeah I know I have been totally ignoring this blog – did I mention I know write two separate blogs now? Yeah, so much better in theory than reality.
Plus I was invited to join triberrr which I have been fuddling/fumbling around on that site a lot lately.
Oh and my new twitter addiction!
And let’s not forget weight watchers…
Working out five times a week (I am soooo rockin’ the gym thing lately!)
My photography – I shoot something every day no matter what or how horrid they turn out.
And all that other life stuff – kids, kids, kids, brian, laundry, cooking, and the occasional moment to decompress!

But life is sooooo freakin’ good!
It’s not perfect (never will be) but it’s GOOD!

I have been feeling MUCH better – especially since seeing my doc (lurve her) last week and expressing my concerns (feeling like I was regressing on the meds and all). She seems to think my progress is better than most and in hindsight – it is! I think I have high expectations but when I compare myself to where I was --- it’s an extreme difference.
And it is so hard to explain to people.
Tonight at Goddess Group I was asked why I am taking the wellbutrin and I completely stumbled with my answer? I think because I struggle with the correct way to explain depression?

I think most people believe depression is just what it sounds like – being depressed/sad/blue. And it is – but it is SO much more.
It is (for me at least)…
The inability to function normally – whatever your *normal* may be.
Not finding joy in things that used to bring you joy.
Feeling like you are fumbling in a daze through your day, your week, your life.
Wanting to lock yourself up away and becoming this anti-social creature your don’t even recognize.
Letting yourself go physically. Not caring about how you look to the point where bathing can become a chore.
To name a few…
And ALL of these things are the polar opposite of what I once was.

My doc also prescribed me trazodone to help me with my insomnia. (having clarity does have it’s downfall – sometimes I cannot get out of my own head because I am so filled with thoughts and ideas!)
I havent taken it…
Because I am not sure how I feel about it?
Plus I want to wait until the weekend when Bri is off in case I cannot wake up for Skylar.
She also set me up to speak with a therapist.
Gulp
I am not opposed to it – I probably could use an impartial person to vent to – but where in THE hell do I even begin?
I guess I will find out on the 27th @ my first appointment?

I am trying to keep positive about the whole process.
Trust the process – my new mantra!
I think it applies to so many things in my life right now.

So with that being said…
Lemme leave you with a few of my fave photos from the past week…
Because one bracelet is never enough…
Daddy & Sky
A tech geek is born – she l♥ves the ipod!
Hunter on his way to get his fancy duds for Homecoming…
*sigh*


Toodles!
♥cyn♥

Wanna know more about my journey and/or Weight Watchers?
Check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

Sh*t I Hate Sunday...

Hello blog-o-sphere!
Another awesome edition of Shit I hate Sunday…





Because sometimes it just feels really good to moan & groan!

So let’s get to it…
Shit I hate…

I hate that I have to watch every morsel of food that goes into my mouth and sweat my balls off at the gym – why cant I be a skinny bitch that eats 9,000 calories a day and never gains an ounce? Or even better – those peeps who actually consume weight gainer! And yeah, yeah, yeah – I know everyone has their own battle – but trust me, it’s way more fun putting weight on than taking it off!

I hate that I have put a bazillion applications/resumes out there and have not had one bite and now I am second guessing my brilliant choice to leave the mind-f**king ex-job when I know damn well that was the best decision! The thought of regretting that choice burns my ass!

I hate this economy and the fact that three years later we aren’t much better off than when we lost everything (business, house, car – it was ugly!). Seriously! Yeah Brian finally has a better position but it’s still a shitty job where he is highly underpaid. And he is friggen happy to have the job because Rhode Island has one of the highest unemployment rates in the country! Something has got to give, right???

I hate the insomnia that comes with my happy pills (Wellbutrin). So I am up until 2am most nights (not even being productive unless you call surfin’ the net or playing SIMS is productive?) and up at 6am the next morning. I hit the wall at around 5pm but yet when I finally get the little miss to bed I am wide awake? It’s a wicked vicious cycle and lasts until I finally just crash and burn like I did last night! But I would rather have all of this than be the cloudy sad/mad gal who was constantly in a funk that I was before.

I hate that a good portion of the world is a cookie-cutter version of one another where status is more important than ANYTHING.


There ya have it… be sure to link up, fess up, and feel better!
I know I do!
♥cyn♥

HoLLa: Update on Life vol.3

Happy Saturday Blogdom!

Well I dunno about the rest of the planet but I am feeling super chipper today! The sun is out – finally -- and my knee isn’t a throbbing ball of arthritic (I hate that I have that word in my life) hell.

Does the *I can squat and stoop again without screaming in agony* dance!

So I have been a busy bee the past few days…
I have mentioned the sense of clarity I have had since Wellbutrin entered my little world. And no it’s not a miracle cure – it just helps me not feel so overwhelmed with EVERYTHING. I can focus and actually be productive without feeling like I cant cope.
But I digress…

Anywho, part of my clarity has been acknowledging and weeding out toxic shit in my life. Hence quitting my shitty job and recently deleting every shit-stirring biznotch and blatant asswipe I know off every contact list and/or social media thingy-ma-bob I know.
So if you are truly stalking and reading this and realized I deleted ya off facebook – guess the cat is outta the bag in regards to what I truly think of your ass.. heh!

And ya know what – if feels good not having that negativity looming.
And that is all I have to say about that as I know damn well that energy I devote to this only fuels their energy and trust me – these fools don’t need fuel.
So moving along…

In my clean sweep I also deleted my old biz stuff – it wasn’t going where I wanted and had some negative energy fo sho’ surrounding it. So it had to go.
But no worries – I got other stuff in the mix and I have not given up the dream totally.

I also have been completetly dedicated to getting back on Weight Watchers and hitting the gym this week. Successfully I might add! I even created another separate blog to solely track weight/diet/health/fitness stuff.
It’s more for me than anything – but c’mon we all know I love bloggin’ – so it’s truly not putting me out. And I really feel like having one more source of accountability can only help because by golly I wanna do this shit already!

Wanna check it out? Well, then click my button below! :smirk:

What? Like I am not chunky or a goddess?
:blink blink:
And if ya wanna follow along that would be super-spiffy!

I am pretty much in love with my new blog – almost as much as this blog – but nothing will ever replace this baby!
Enough blatant self-promotion…

So yesterday Bri, Sky and I (that rhymes – ha!) went to Wal-Mart to buy the essentials…
• Diapers
• Tampons
• Milk
• Yogurt
• Hummus
• Crystal light
• Coffee

I know most peeps dog Wally World but I have to tell ya – other than the fact that it is virtually impossibly to leave there without spending AT LEAST fitty bucks – I heart you Wal-Mart!

I mean c’mon – where else can you let your kid ride like three bikes and a Disney Princess Jeep without one salesperson batting an eye or giving a frig?

Miss Sky will be getting a bike this spring – can ya believe she is only two and totally surpassed the tricycle and gravitated right to the *big girl* two-wheeled training bike?
I mean who wouldn’t when your choices are kickass Hello Kitty, Barbie, or Princess’????

Her Daddy rocks – he *rode* her all over the toy aisles with three bikes AND a Jeep!

Lovin’ a Jeep just like her Daddy!

Then we hit the Wally World Arcade – which equates a tiny corner at the front of the store designed to suck up every dollar bill and/or quarter you own.

Every girl should ride a life-sized Pumba that plays *Hakuna Matata* -- just sayin’!

(How many of ya will be partaking in the re-release of The Lion King in 3D?)

And the crème de la crème – massage chairs.
Daddy gets a much needed massage and Sky rests her weary tush!

Then last night Skylar asked to wear my dress for the first time ever – that was one of my most favorite things to do as a kid – as this was WAY before they made *dress-up* clothes like they do now. I had to pretend I was Cinderella in my Mother’s old 70’s inspired polyester crap thank you very much…
But I digress…
Here she is – lovely aye?

Here I am… (take a month or so ago)not-quite-as-cute.


Let’s go back to her!

So stinkin’ cute!

Well there ya have it…
All that is fit to be told or at least blogged!

This shall be a weekend of relaxation – minus some gym time and a nail fill that is!
Happy! Happy!

♥cyn♥

Oh yeah – anyone ever seen a hop that is dedicated solely to diet/fitness/health blogs? Just curious…
Thanks!