HoLLa: Update on Life vol.7

I know I have totally been ignoring this blog – I sucketh, what can I say?

In my defense – I have had a lot of my plate lately.
• Defiant teenagers who are trying to either drive me to the brink of insanity or make me an alcoholic.
• An over-active precocious two year old who needs constant stimulation.
• Never-ending tedious stuff – laundry, dishes, grocery shopping.
• Trying to keep myself on track with Weight Watchers & working out – which is a HUGE priority for me.
• Making Brian & Cyn time – because he needs me as much as anyone else in my house. And I need him too of course!
• My social life which is coming back from the dead – funny how feeling good about yourself again can make you want to get back into the world.
• My spiritual side which I left dormant @ the wayside months ago – I have missed my candles, meditations, & spellwork. It grounds me & I need grounding!

I know there are others out in the world who probably have ten times the amount of things on their plates – but keep in mind that my plate has been so cracked & half-broken for so long with me being in the depths of depression & I am just now getting back to mending the plate & being able to juggle more than a few things without completely melting down!
So yay for that much at least.
Chaos is actually progress for me!!!

Speaking of progress – I see my new therapist next week.
I am trying to be positive – but ack! I haven’t had the best luck with therapy in the past.
Once had a therapist try to *save* me by telling me I needed Jesus in my life.
True effin’ story.
Can you believe that shit? If I wasn’t 20-something (oh yeah I have been messed up for a long time… heh) I probably would have reported her -- to where or whom – who knows?
Did I mention that I am trying to stay positive?

Okay let’s jump to another topic – because I am so obviously all over the place today.
Skylar has her library reading/play group every Wednesday & it is the one thing she looks forward to. And it is such a cute program – the librarian is wonderful & they do the cutest craft project at the end of story time.
Well this year there is a new kid in the group & normally I never refer to kiddos (other than my own of course – heh) to *spawn of satan* but if this child was a robot her (yes, it’s a little girl) name would be DESTRUCTOR!
And really it isn’t her fault – it is her dumbass mother’s who sits there while she tears up the play area, library, and reading room and says NOTHING. It is her who sits there while she literally lays on other children & terrorizes the two mothers who come with infants in tow and says NOTHING. It is her who sits there while the librarian asks the little demon girl to sit down over and over because she is disrupting the reading time & tears things right out of the librarian’s hands and says NOTHING.
Seriously I keep hoping Mute Mom & DESTRUCTOR won’t show – but sure as shit they are ALWAYS there.
And what do you do in this situation? Are you THAT parent who complains & puts the librarian in the position to have to *talk* to Mute Mom?
Parents who let their children be little buttheads just piss me off.
And it isn’t fair to the kids like my daughter who really want to enjoy the experience & interact.
Mute Mom sucks!

Moving along…
We are just NOW finally getting some fall weather.
Goddess Group ghost hunt happened last night but I had to miss it – car/ride issues.
So bummed.
I will get in on another ghost hunt because apparently they had sucha great time that they are planning another.

I have been doing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred – on day 10 – and it is an ass-kicking killer workout. I highly recommend it!

Well to end this crazy post on a high note…
Skylar is NUTSO about La La Loopsy.
(Doncha l♥ve her shit – got it @ Kmart for $7!)

La La Loopsy was #1 on her Xmas list to Santa last year – and this year it is the La La Loopsy treehouse & bus.
Never enough La La Loopsy in Skylar’s world…

There ya have it – sorry this is sucha schiztoid post!

Happy HuMp DaY!
♥cyn♥

wanna know more about my weight loss journey, weight watchers, and/or my quest to complete jillian michaels 30 day shred?
check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

HoLLa: Update on Life vol. 6

Hello Bloggy-wood!

Okay yeah I know I have been totally ignoring this blog – did I mention I know write two separate blogs now? Yeah, so much better in theory than reality.
Plus I was invited to join triberrr which I have been fuddling/fumbling around on that site a lot lately.
Oh and my new twitter addiction!
And let’s not forget weight watchers…
Working out five times a week (I am soooo rockin’ the gym thing lately!)
My photography – I shoot something every day no matter what or how horrid they turn out.
And all that other life stuff – kids, kids, kids, brian, laundry, cooking, and the occasional moment to decompress!

But life is sooooo freakin’ good!
It’s not perfect (never will be) but it’s GOOD!

I have been feeling MUCH better – especially since seeing my doc (lurve her) last week and expressing my concerns (feeling like I was regressing on the meds and all). She seems to think my progress is better than most and in hindsight – it is! I think I have high expectations but when I compare myself to where I was --- it’s an extreme difference.
And it is so hard to explain to people.
Tonight at Goddess Group I was asked why I am taking the wellbutrin and I completely stumbled with my answer? I think because I struggle with the correct way to explain depression?

I think most people believe depression is just what it sounds like – being depressed/sad/blue. And it is – but it is SO much more.
It is (for me at least)…
The inability to function normally – whatever your *normal* may be.
Not finding joy in things that used to bring you joy.
Feeling like you are fumbling in a daze through your day, your week, your life.
Wanting to lock yourself up away and becoming this anti-social creature your don’t even recognize.
Letting yourself go physically. Not caring about how you look to the point where bathing can become a chore.
To name a few…
And ALL of these things are the polar opposite of what I once was.

My doc also prescribed me trazodone to help me with my insomnia. (having clarity does have it’s downfall – sometimes I cannot get out of my own head because I am so filled with thoughts and ideas!)
I havent taken it…
Because I am not sure how I feel about it?
Plus I want to wait until the weekend when Bri is off in case I cannot wake up for Skylar.
She also set me up to speak with a therapist.
Gulp
I am not opposed to it – I probably could use an impartial person to vent to – but where in THE hell do I even begin?
I guess I will find out on the 27th @ my first appointment?

I am trying to keep positive about the whole process.
Trust the process – my new mantra!
I think it applies to so many things in my life right now.

So with that being said…
Lemme leave you with a few of my fave photos from the past week…
Because one bracelet is never enough…
Daddy & Sky
A tech geek is born – she l♥ves the ipod!
Hunter on his way to get his fancy duds for Homecoming…
*sigh*


Toodles!
♥cyn♥

Wanna know more about my journey and/or Weight Watchers?
Check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.

HoLLa: Weight Loss Update & Confessions

(Dontcha just L♥VE Betty???)

Ello Blog-o-sphere!

So I haven't written a weight loss update in a couple of weeks (busy, busy, STRESSED, busy gal) so I figured I best get to it.

So here goes…
At last Friday’s weigh-in I was down a total of 5.2 lbs since starting the 30 Day Shred on July 4th!!
*Cues “Can’t Touch This” and starts to break out her best MCHammer moves*

Of course I mentioned that I restarted it with my son last Thursday and we were off to a killer start – but then the weekend hit – I work a good portion of the weekend and the boys had a sleepover and a totally separate birthday party to attend.

Yeah…
Excuses – valid; but not good enough to skip our workout the past two days.

Tomorrow we are back in actions – NO EXCUSES!

Diet wise – I am doing good.
I am 100% Vegan and doing well with avoiding my nemesis – CANDY!

I feel good about my choices and certainly about losing 5.2 lbs!
I feel like I am on a roll… and will not let a couple of downer days derail me!

So a little confession of I sorts...
I am currently seeking help for anxiety. And by saying I am *seeking help* I mean I am seeking medical attention at the moment. Where that leads? Who knows?

It is something I have known has been an issue for me for quite awhile but also something I was hoping I could handle on my own. It has become apparent to me that I cannot.
I wonder if I am not suffering from a bit of depression – maybe even post partum? I am not sure… but the fact is that I haven’t felt like ME in a very long time and I think I need some help.
Either way – I can only rise up from here.
I am trying to not overthink the process until I know exactly what is wrong – all I know right now is that something is definitely wrong.
And it is amazing how just saying that much has helped me.
I feel good about the path I am on...
Updates to follow!

So to end this post on a high note – here are some photos of Skylar at the pool and her just being the cutest little nudist in the world.
*BIG SMILES*

♥cyn♥

THinGs I am L♥VIN' Thursday

HaPPy L♥VEfest!

OMGosh what a crazy week it has been! Seriously I still have to look at the calendar to know what day it is…
Please tell me I am NOT the only one.

Anywho…

I have to start the L♥Vedom with my new workout/walking partner – my 14 (soon-to-be 15) year old son Peyton.

My sweet kiddo deserves a medal for being so determined to get healthy that he is willing to workout with his old Mom. But he has in fact agreed to do the 30 Day Shred (I started over at Day One yesterday to do it with him) and to walk with me as well as hit the gym when the time comes.
GO PEYTON!
(I am so stinkin’ proud of him!!!)

Getting his walk on…


Let’s continue with some amazing features from a couple of my fellow KICKASS bloggers…






I have posted items from Lesley (of Fabulously Flawed fame) before – because – well she rocks – enough said. But this par-tay she is hosting EVERY Thursday is just coolio and makes me SO wish I was the crafty sort. I do covet it all – check her out!








Destiny aka ★Rockin’ Mama ★ & her multi-media hop – I love one-stop-hopping – cause I am lazy as doo-dah. Well not really, but kinda.
*smirk*
Anywho – her blog is fun and her current 10 Days of BS challenge is one I am participating in and L♥Vin’!

L♥VE this little girl’s room – and look – it’s already monogrammed for Skylar! *heh*

This FABULOUS room was made possible by feltsocute via tip junkie. I L♥VE her – check out her Facebook page as well – I L♥VE the daily feeds!

L♥VE my new bamboo plant!

Believed to bring prosperity – I will keep ya updated – as it has yet to happen!

Oddly enough I am L♥Vin Lauren Conrad’s rainbow hair…

It’s fun and if I were a wee bit (okay A LOT) younger I would so rock this look ALL summerlong!

L♥VE L♥VE L♥VE this trend!

Talk about channeling your inner Wonder Woman!

L♥VE shoulder tatts…

Must.have.one.soon!

L♥VE potty training!

Okay blatant lie – but I do L♥VE my darling Skylar and how hard she is trying. She had it nailed and decided yesterday this whole potty thing just wasn’t for her.
Who am I to tell her otherwise?
So we give it some time and try again soon!

Last but not least...
I L♥VE Brian…

My soulmate and the best Daddy I have ever known.
You are wonderful!

There ya have it -- and I promise to be a better blogger -- holidays totally screw me up!

xxoo
♥cyn♥

Motivational Monday...

HaPPy MoNdAy!

After yesterday’s post outta sheer frustration (and THANK YOU for all the encouraging comments – I am so VERY appreciative!) I decided that it was time to stop boo-hooing about it all and DO SOMETHING already!

Hence the picture for Motivational Monday.
It rang so true!

So I am back to tracking my food – every little morsel – on Sparkpeople! (I am Purple_Goddess if ya wanna say hi!)
I am back to eating strictly vegan – no excuses!
NO SODA – not even diet!
MORE water!
And…
I started Jillian Micahels 30 Day Shred today.

In a word – wow.
No really – it is the most unassuming yet KICKASS workout I have ever done. It’s pretty old school in some respects but it will leave you wondering what the heck just happened to ya!
I mean granted I am not in the best shape of my life, but I am certainly no slack. I have been exercising pretty regularly and consider my work *physical*.
But it was the most intense 20 minutes I have had in a VERY long time!

But I did it and didn’t slack – and for that much; I am SUPER stoked and proud.

I plan on doing the program for the 30 days (as is suggested by it’s title) and will track my progress here (of course) as well as a new tab I created under my header titled *shred* where I will post pics, stats, and whatever else comes to mind.

I am psyched to challenge myself in this way and I really hope it’s the kick in the pants I need to get myself past this plateau/hump/slump!

KeeP MoTivaTed PeePs
♥cyn♥

Pssst…
Think I will look like this when the 30 days are done?

*heh*