Wednesday, October 5, 2011

HoLLa: Update on Life vol. 6

Hello Bloggy-wood!

Okay yeah I know I have been totally ignoring this blog – did I mention I know write two separate blogs now? Yeah, so much better in theory than reality.
Plus I was invited to join triberrr which I have been fuddling/fumbling around on that site a lot lately.
Oh and my new twitter addiction!
And let’s not forget weight watchers…
Working out five times a week
(I am soooo rockin’ the gym thing lately!)
My photography – I shoot something every day no matter what or how horrid they turn out.
And all that other life stuff – kids, kids, kids, brian, laundry, cooking, and the occasional moment to decompress!

But life is sooooo freakin’ good!
It’s not perfect
(never will be) but it’s GOOD!

I have been feeling MUCH better – especially since seeing my doc
(lurve her) last week and expressing my concerns (feeling like I was regressing on the meds and all). She seems to think my progress is better than most and in hindsight – it is! I think I have high expectations but when I compare myself to where I was --- it’s an extreme difference.
And it is so hard to explain to people.
Tonight at Goddess Group I was asked why I am taking the wellbutrin and I completely stumbled with my answer? I think because I struggle with the correct way to explain depression?

I think most people believe depression is just what it sounds like – being depressed/sad/blue. And it is – but it is SO much more.
It is
(for me at least)…
The inability to function normally – whatever your *normal* may be.
Not finding joy in things that used to bring you joy.
Feeling like you are fumbling in a daze through your day, your week, your life.
Wanting to lock yourself up away and becoming this anti-social creature your don’t even recognize.
Letting yourself go physically. Not caring about how you look to the point where bathing can become a chore.
To name a few…
And ALL of these things are the polar opposite of what I once was.

My doc also prescribed me trazodone to help me with my insomnia.
(having clarity does have it’s downfall – sometimes I cannot get out of my own head because I am so filled with thoughts and ideas!)
I havent taken it…
Because I am not sure how I feel about it?
Plus I want to wait until the weekend when Bri is off in case I cannot wake up for Skylar.
She also set me up to speak with a therapist.
I am not opposed to it – I probably could use an impartial person to vent to – but where in THE hell do I even begin?
I guess I will find out on the 27th @ my first appointment?

I am trying to keep positive about the whole process.
Trust the process – my new mantra!
I think it applies to so many things in my life right now.

So with that being said…
Lemme leave you with a few of my fave photos from the past week…
Because one bracelet is never enough…
Daddy & Sky
A tech geek is born – she l♥ves the ipod!
Hunter on his way to get his fancy duds for Homecoming…


Wanna know more about my journey and/or Weight Watchers?
Check out my diet blog --
misadventures of a chunky goddess.


  1. You're right one bangle is NEVER enough.

  2. Love the pic of Brian and Skylar! So sweet!

    Ah.... that battle of depression. The only people who truly understand are the ones that suffer from it. Mine is seasonal and Dave (after 11 years together) still doesn't understand why I just want to sleep through February. Glad to see that the doc thinks you are progressing well. Just be patient.

  3. Love the pictures!! Glad you are feeling better, depression is such a nasty thing so it makes me happy that you're feeling better. Working out is always a good stress reliever too!!! Hugs and smooches gorgeous!

  4. Your picture are beautiful! Glad you are getting your life under control. It's a wondrious thing to be able to feel happy again. Depression is a hard thing to over come.



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