HoLLa: Update on Life vol. 6

Hello Bloggy-wood!

Okay yeah I know I have been totally ignoring this blog – did I mention I know write two separate blogs now? Yeah, so much better in theory than reality.
Plus I was invited to join triberrr which I have been fuddling/fumbling around on that site a lot lately.
Oh and my new twitter addiction!
And let’s not forget weight watchers…
Working out five times a week (I am soooo rockin’ the gym thing lately!)
My photography – I shoot something every day no matter what or how horrid they turn out.
And all that other life stuff – kids, kids, kids, brian, laundry, cooking, and the occasional moment to decompress!

But life is sooooo freakin’ good!
It’s not perfect (never will be) but it’s GOOD!

I have been feeling MUCH better – especially since seeing my doc (lurve her) last week and expressing my concerns (feeling like I was regressing on the meds and all). She seems to think my progress is better than most and in hindsight – it is! I think I have high expectations but when I compare myself to where I was --- it’s an extreme difference.
And it is so hard to explain to people.
Tonight at Goddess Group I was asked why I am taking the wellbutrin and I completely stumbled with my answer? I think because I struggle with the correct way to explain depression?

I think most people believe depression is just what it sounds like – being depressed/sad/blue. And it is – but it is SO much more.
It is (for me at least)…
The inability to function normally – whatever your *normal* may be.
Not finding joy in things that used to bring you joy.
Feeling like you are fumbling in a daze through your day, your week, your life.
Wanting to lock yourself up away and becoming this anti-social creature your don’t even recognize.
Letting yourself go physically. Not caring about how you look to the point where bathing can become a chore.
To name a few…
And ALL of these things are the polar opposite of what I once was.

My doc also prescribed me trazodone to help me with my insomnia. (having clarity does have it’s downfall – sometimes I cannot get out of my own head because I am so filled with thoughts and ideas!)
I havent taken it…
Because I am not sure how I feel about it?
Plus I want to wait until the weekend when Bri is off in case I cannot wake up for Skylar.
She also set me up to speak with a therapist.
Gulp
I am not opposed to it – I probably could use an impartial person to vent to – but where in THE hell do I even begin?
I guess I will find out on the 27th @ my first appointment?

I am trying to keep positive about the whole process.
Trust the process – my new mantra!
I think it applies to so many things in my life right now.

So with that being said…
Lemme leave you with a few of my fave photos from the past week…
Because one bracelet is never enough…
Daddy & Sky
A tech geek is born – she l♥ves the ipod!
Hunter on his way to get his fancy duds for Homecoming…
*sigh*


Toodles!
♥cyn♥

Wanna know more about my journey and/or Weight Watchers?
Check out my diet blog -- misadventures of a chunky goddess.