Friday, September 3, 2010

The Journey Begins...

This being my first official entry, I suppose introductions are in order.
Only I am not much for such formalities.
I prefer to go with the flow.
So let's flow...

I am not sure what possessed me to start a journal? Okay, let me rephrase. I don't know what possessed me to start this journal? For I have had many journals over my forty years. But this one is fully dedicated to me and this journey I am currently on.
So let me start from the beginning of this particular journey.

I turned forty this past April.
Now the actual number didn't really bother me because truth be told, what can you really do about it? And it surely beats the alternative. I think what bothered me the most was that I felt like I had lost myself in the year or so leading up to my momentous birthday. I think as a woman, mother, lover, wife... whatever the case may be... that tends to happen. And for myself... I was a classic case of putting myself absolutely last in every respect.

My entire purpose and existance was for those around me... my fiance (we are getting married August 2011!!!!), and my three children which consist of two teenage sons and my baby girl. I in no way regret those choices... but they weren't practical for my own well-being. I love my fiance' and children and would do anything for them even at the cost of even my own happiness.

Honestly... you cannot be the mother, lover, wife, etc. that your family/loved ones deserve if you are unhappy with yourself.

I needed to find a balance in my life.
I needed to put myself first every now and again and do things that were purely meaningful to me and maybe be even a tad bit selfish.
I needed to love ME again.
I am currently in the process of doing just that.

I joined Weight Watchers with whom I had success on about two years ago prior to becoming pregnant with my daughter who is fourteen months old. I have lost 13.2 lbs in the past month (give or take), eating healthy, exercising five days a week (hoping to progress into possibly training for a half-marathon), and feeling so very proud of myself!
Nothing (not even ice cream) tastes as good as this feels...

I also stumbled upon a woman's empowerment group that one of my dearest and oldest friends hosts at her shop every Tuesday night. I went about a month ago on a whim (and honestly out of guilt because her shop has been opened almost two years and I had never been in... tsk tsk!) and it was one of the best things I have ever done for myself. The group (called the Goddess Group) is comprised of women from every age range, all different, and all sharing a common need to find ways to just destress from *life* via the Pagan belief system.

Is becoming a *practicing* Pagan something I planned or even ever thought was a path I wanted to venture down?
Ummm no...
But as I am learning, it finds you when the time is right in your life and I don't think it could have found me at a better time.
I am so ridiculously glad to be on this path.

So with ALL of that being said...
This journal shall chronicle my journey into Motherhood, planning a wedding, my relationship, weight loss, healthy living, Paganism, finding myself again, and LOVING who I am.

Blessed Be...

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