Pure Chaos

It has been the craziest of weeks.

Pure chaos.

Peyton's birthday (okay that was nice actually)...

A demanding little girl by the name of Skylar who I willingly let occupy so much of my time...

Two demanding teenagers with a lot of schoolwork and projects...

A demanding grown man with a crazy work schedule (gotta love retail this time of year)...

Goddess Group...

A dentist appointment in which I found out I have two itsy-bitsy cavities, not one...

Weight Watcher meeting and weigh-in (I lost .8 lbs this week... a total of almost 19 lbs -- *w00t w00t*)...

Trying to squeeze in my much needed exercise...

Attempting to maintain friendships, quite poorly I might add...

And the basic day-to-day grind.

I realize I am one of a billion plus people who do all this same sort of stuff and more. This is the world we live in. It is the *norm* to have too much stuff to do and spreading yourself thin.

And I have had a few minor meltdowns this week.

Moments where I felt stretched almost invisible and completely unappreciated for all I do.

And yeah... Brian and I had words.

Heated words I might add.

But all is well and we have once again agreed that we need to not let everything around us affect *us*.

Easier said than done of course, but he and I do try so very hard to keep one another happy and not let the insanity that IS our life interfere too much.

And in the course of it all I have been having serious reservations about our wedding.

NO!

Not those types of reservations.

I love Brian and cannot wait to be Mrs. Bertenshaw!

I am having serious reservations about the whole hooplah of a wedding and a reception. Guilt over the frivalous expense of such an affair perhaps? We are in the process of trying to build our savings, move out, and get out of this horrible rut the recession put us into!

I just feel like no matter how *casual* we plan on keeping it... it will slowly creep out of hand.

Our small wedding has grown to about 75 people and I still feel like we are leaving people out?!?!

How did this happen?

And all I can think about is the movie Sex & the City where Carrie is left at the altar because she has allowed her wedding to become this entity; the one thing she promised Big it would never be. The same promise Brian and I have made to one another.

And just the other night he said to me...

"I need to know it's just for us... and about you and me."

Ack!

Is that not pretty much what Big says to Carrie?!?!?!

I have these horrid visions of it all turning into a fiasco, the one thing Brian and I swore we would never let happen. We vowed that we would get married in overalls and flip-flops before EVER letting that happen...

And I am wondering if just getting married isn't what we should do. All I really care about is becoming married and having my children present.

Okay I lied...

I want to look hot, get married, have my children (and my Mom) present, eat some food, drink some wine, and have some honeymoon *time*.

That is all I care about!

But I am torn...

While I completely lack that bride gene that every other woman seems to have, I do have a modest wedding fantasy in mind...

What to do?

What to do?

WHAT TO DO?!?!?!

Obviously Brian and I have some serious thinking to do!

But not tonight.

Tonight I want to eat popcorn, watch my daughter snooze, revel in the peace (boys are at a sleepover), watch a crappy remake of Psycho (Anne Heche in the Janet Leigh role... are you serious?!?!), and wait for Brian to get home from work.

After all...

I believe from chaos comes true beauty.

Blessed Be...

♥Cyn♥